Rewriting Scalar UDFs and NULL Results

Erik Darling jumps out of the time machine to warn us, but we have no idea what he’s talking about so we ignore the warning and end up doing the thing he warned us not to do, causing us to need to send him into a time machine to warn us not to do it:

I think I have probably spent 500 hours of my life rewriting T-SQL Scalar UDFs to avoid all the performance problems associated with them.

The obvious choice is the Inline Table Valued Function, which has fewer performance issues baked in. For the kids out there: they don’t spill trauma.

But getting the rewrite right can be tricky, especially when it’s possible for the function to return NULL values.

Click through for the example.