Reitse Eskens hits on a long-standing pain point in SQL Server:
In an effort to make code reusable, someone decided to use Scalar User-Defined Functions. About ten of them. And each function was called in the SELECT list of each query sent to the database.
The worst part is, the instincts behind doing something like this are perfectly reasonable. In most programming languages, composing functions or refactoring code into isolated functions that you call is so cheap as to be (almost) free. But in T-SQL, that is rarely the case.