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Reporting Queries and User-Defined Functions

Erik Darling tells a story of two things which do not get along very well:

The OLTP part was working fine, but there was a reporting element that was dog slow, and would cause all sorts of problems on the server.

When we got into things, I noticed something rather funny: All of their reporting queries had very high estimated costs, and all the plans were totally serial.

The problem came down to two functions that were used in the OLTP portion, which were reused in the reporting portion.

Read on to understand why SQL Server 2019 and its function inlining capability would not have helped here.

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