Back in my basement hideout, I spent the next couple of hours exploring the network and figuring out which server to connect to. The CTO was right; I did have enough access. I was sysadmin on the production SQL Server and had full admin access to the app server. I logged in to the app and with the help of a Profiler trace managed to figure out one of the main slow stored procedure calls that occurred any time someone saved a change via the user interface.
Pasting the procedure call into SSMS, I turned on Actual Execution Plan, hit F5, and got ready to see indications of a few missing indexes. I was ready to walk back upstairs, gloat to the CTO, and ask for a better workspace so I could continue to help. What I didn’t expect was what actually came back: Not one execution plan, or two, or three, but hundreds and hundreds. The scroll bar become progressively smaller as time clicked by and the elapsed counter did not stop running. All I’d done in the application was change the name of a single field. What was going on?
This was an amazing story full of cringe-worthy moments.