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The Performance Pain of User-Defined Functions

Tom Zika continues a series on why user-defined scalar functions are such a bad idea:

I’ll cover several test scenarios and analyze the performance using different monitoring tools.
The results will be for the second executions of the queries, so we have compiled and cached plans and all pages in the buffer pool.

Even if you already hate seeing scalar user-defined functions in code, the occasional reminder of how poorly they perform helps focus the mind.